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What else can I do to help my family?
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For some context, I no longer live with my parents, and they currently rent a 3 bedroom apartment. My mom recently found a job in a restaurant and it has been very stressful for her (she’s not used to that environment), but there’s no other options for her atm. My father works as well but doesn’t provide that much to the household. My older brother also lives with them, he’s 24 and has a good decent job (but last month he decided to not give any money for rent like he usually does just because he didn’t feel like it, while I spent hundreds of dollars to help her out with some bills, but whatever). And there’s also my younger siblings (14 and 17), but they don’t work.
I feel so sad and stressed out for my mother, I know she is struggling A LOT and it seems like I’m the only that worries about her, not even my dad (her husband), nor my older brother.
As of her finances, I know she has only one credit card which she usually pays on time (she’s barely starting to build her credit as she was not interested in it before), so she is debt free, but she still needs to pay the rent, utilities and other stuff monthly. She barely makes it. But now she has told me she’s planning on divorcing my dad because hes barely “helping her” out (among other reasons), which makes me so mad because that’s literally his job and responsibility. My mother only works to take care of my siblings, which are also HIS children.
What else can I do to help her?
Top Comment: Please do not comment on OP’s parents’ relationship/divorce. See sub rule 1 below: Nothing personal relationship, sex, or dating related or anything about stalking a person. Even commenting on these threads is a grounds for a ban. — r/needadvice is a subreddit for getting advice about things going on in our lives outside of our relationship with significant others, potential significant others, and significant others of days past. Your relationship, your parent's relationships, your friend's relationships... if you are dealing with any person's romantic relationship, it doesn't belong in here. (This is code for "no romance related stuff") No dating advice. No hookup advice. No sex related advice, including anything involving rape (even if it happened to you), molestation, or underage sexual activity.
Looking for a subreddit that offers advice on family problems
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I'm meeting my older sister for the first time in 8 years tomorrow and would like to ask for advice on what to talk about etc. (Throwaway account for obvious reasons.) Thanks in advance!
Top Comment: r/relationships is for all sorts of relationships, not just romantic
How do you deal with family members who can't/won't take care of themselves?
Main Post: How do you deal with family members who can't/won't take care of themselves?
Top Comment: I drop the rope. I back off and let them figure it out. It sounds harsh but you cannot force people to get help. I had a friend who wanted me to clean her apartment so it was like mine. My apartment was deep cleaned everyday because I had young kids and I just cleaned when they napped. Her house was trashed writing all over the wall on one side 10 feet of mashed potatoes wiped on the wall. The smell was horrendous. Food under the couch. I began to back out of my relationship to her. I wanted to see her again so I visited a few years later and you cannot walk in her house without tripping. She went from that nasty apartment to a trailer she trashed and hoarded. She got mad I was there not because I had backed off when I saw her apartment because I saw how bad it got and her daughter wasn’t supposed to let anyone in. I told her she can call when she calms down. I still felt sickened that she raised her kids in this mess then a grandkid. People reported it I didn’t have to but social services did nothing.
Any suggestions on helping family without getting exploited in the process?
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I am struggling with requests from family asking for help. I am already dealing with what feels like a permanent dependency with my sibling and am now dealing with a cousin in dire need. This is beginning to affect my mental health and I was hoping for some guidelines/structured way others have dealt with this issue.
The cousin in question lost his mother (my aunt) very young to suicide and has struggled with alcoholism. He has been sober for a few years but his past indulgences with debt are catching up to him. I have a great deal of sympathy for him but can’t help but wonder if I am about to create another permanent dependency?
Having built a significant net worth and high income, I guess I could afford these asks but could be looking at becoming the go to solution for everyone’s problems.
Should I set aside a fixed percentage of income to help others and consider it charity? What has worked for others?
Top Comment: Understand that throwing money at their problems won’t fix the core issues. I’ve only helped people monetarily if they got absolutely fucked through no fault of their own. Without spending money I’ve helped people figure out their finances and connected them with people that can help them solve their issues.
[Activity] How do you deal with family issues?
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I've basically had issues with my parents all my life but as I've gotten older they've certainly worsened. The stress can get too much to deal with sometimes and mostly my only coping mechanism is to binge eat. I'd love to hear how y'all deal with similar issues if you've been through it.
Let this thread to be a place to suggest ways you deal with family issues by typing [ADVICE] or be a place for you to vent out some of your troubles by typing [VENT]
Top Comment: [VENT] & [ADVICE] I’m sorry to hear about your parents. It’s unfortunate to feel that way towards people that you are supposed to love and are supposed to love you. I’m currently dealing with some issues with mine as well. I come from a pretty conservative and religious family. Unfortunately the religion that is embedded into our culture and lives for generations is (personally to me) very misogynistic. This of course means that we’re just seen as baby making, feeding, teaching factories. This also means that if the woman being brought up in this culture feel this way, then I’m sure y’all understand how high and mighty some of these men feel. Arranged marriages are a big thing in our culture so as to control who the woman hangs out and who she gets involved with so that her reputation may not devalue her to well settled male prospects in the community. Now I’m a very independent woman, always have been, traveled to the US by myself at 18 to further my education. I’m now 25, and my parents are fervently looking for guys to arrange me with. This all would’ve been fine if I still believed in said religion, or wanted this method, and moreover, if I didn’t already have a man. My guy’s Hispanic, not from my culture, agnostic. Basically the opposite on paper in terms of everything my parents would ever choose for me. So I’m sure you can understand the rift it’s going to cause between us once I tell them about this guy. I wanted to wait for a couple years to really confirm my feelings and commitment to this relationship because fighting for this will uproot any sense of family I have and I wanted it to be a fail proof decision and I’ve come to terms with the fact that this is my forever person. [ADVICE] Operate from a place of love. Understand your triggers and why they trigger. Work on yourself as much as possible so you can gain and understanding of your emotions and why you feel what you feel. Therapy helps I’m currently in therapy. Been there for almost 2 years now. At the end of the day, without being rude or crass, our parents most likely have less than 20 years to make it. (I’m not sure if the world even has it in it to sustain us for 20 more years at the rate global warming is happening but to keep things on a lighter note if it does) Your choices are going to stick with you for the rest of your life and whether we want to believe it or not most parents want to see their children happy and if you’re achieving that in a way that wasn’t approved by them or liked by them then still continue on because that’s YOU choosing YOURSELF. Not anyone else or even your parents. One thing that keeps me going is this: Is my life really my life if I’m a living example of everyone’s else’s decisions for me. And when I live my life that way, if I have kids, I would want to dictate their lives because I couldn’t do that with my own.